In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
