Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
