my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
false alarm, still single
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