I want to stick my p in your. b.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
