I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
