Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
