were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
