why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
