I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
