i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I want to be your penis for a week.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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