Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
