when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
