So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
