he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
