Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
