But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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