i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
