Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
