can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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