she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
