Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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