according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
