Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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