I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
