some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
