you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
