she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
