someone threw a dead crab at me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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