I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
