he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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