cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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