i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
