Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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