connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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