just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
