Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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