Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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