The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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