watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
