I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
