Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
