Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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