I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
