Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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