Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm bleeding and have questions
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
