Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
