He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
