His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
