talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
