Swine flu. Run for my life!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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