dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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